Knowing that as each week passed & the life within me was growing, I relished celebrating that life with a bump picture, a ritual I am glad I persevered with till the end. Being able to view my journey through those images is the good of my journey.
With the progression of the pregnancy came the bad, I was suddenly thrown into the mucky world of office politics. I had just started my new job when I found out I was pregnant and I went from being a carefree, fresh out of college employee to one who had to watch every move I made in order not to arouse suspicion that I might be pregnant. Well probation or not, my extreme morning sickness soon made it impossible to conceal. That was a scary time for me. Luckily, I had a very understanding boss & also the UK has one of the best maternity laws in the world so I was covered on both ends. It didn’t stop people treating me different, less competent.
I however persevered and worked up until pelvic girdle pain started to encroach on my life. From that point on it seemed to get worse, some days I could barely walk. I coped as best I could but a diagnosis of Gestational Diabetes dropped me further into self-pity (http://theprincesspoetslifeadventures.blogspot.com/2011/03/week-32-i-have-what.html). Suddenly my pregnancy & birth was not to be the idyllic journey I imagined it would be. I ended up needing to be induced & ended up with an emergency caesarean. Despite all this I still feel like I had a positive birth.
The moment I met my son would forever be implanted on my memory, his warm delicious skin next to mine like we always belonged together. (http://theprincesspoetslifeadventures.blogspot.com/2011/05/ethans-birth-story.html) During our skin to skin, Ethan stopped breathing. He just stopped. My world stopped too. Suddenly he was taken off me to be resuscitated. That moment I knew the ugly truth about motherhood. The love you feel for your child is entwined with heinous guilt should anything bad happen to them. I blamed myself for not noticing that he had stopped suckling. Thankfully, Ethan is thriving but that memory remains. The lesson forever imprinted on my heart.
Bio: You can follow Lucy's Life adventures at http://theprincesspoetslifeadventures.blogspot.com
follow her on twitter @pinkpoetlikeme